To my Derek on Our Tenth Wedding Anniversary

I'm feeling ridiculously mushy this morning. So please excuse me. 

Post best enjoyed listening to this song, which reminds me of Derek so much it's like it's ABOUT Derek. 

Dear Derek,

Thank you for the last ten years. Thanks for never waivering. Thank you for working so hard.

When we got married we were kids, no question. We thought we knew what life would be, even what we hoped it would be. And those dreams have come true, Love. But oh my, we have so much more than I ever thought possible.


We've grown a lot in the last decade. We've morphed, we've matured, we've gotten so much better, you and I.



Look at our life, my dear. We could never have assumed we'd have so much. We are richly blessed.

And I am richly blessed because you are my truest friend. I am safe with you, you are my home.


My dreams come true over and over again because of you.







Thanks for being you, thanks for never doubting me or us. Thanks for being everything I knew you were and so much more.









You are my heart, my love, my life. You are my favorite. Still. Always.

The Best Medicine (Lessons from my Marriage, part 4)

In honor of our Ten Year Anniversary this month, I'm writing out lessons I've learned from being married to my man. 

I don't think I'm an expert on anything really (except maybe how to nurse a baby while chasing a two year old and never even breaking the baby's latch), but I do think that Derek and I have something pretty great. While much of our relationship is due to just being extremely compatible, our life is not perfect, we are not perfect, and I've had to learn some pretty hard lessons in my ten years thus far as a wife. 



(Our photographer double booked himself and so we had a fake cake cutting and a fake bouquet throwing before the reception. It was a very weird day.)

In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.
Khalil Gibran

Derek and I laugh a lot with each other. We always have. It's a vital part of relationship. We make each other laugh, we like to joke and kid around. It's one of the things I value deeply. It might sound strange to say I value our joking around, but I do.

I can't imagine a life where we weren't laughing with each other. I wouldn't want a life without it. Finding joy and humor in things together helps us stay close. Some of my favorite memories in our marriage are of the two of us laughing at... who knows what? I just remember the laughter.

We laugh. We laugh to cope, to connect, to love, to live. We laugh.

And we're happy, even when it's hard.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

Bill Cosby

Service (Lessons From My Marriage, Part Three!!)

In honor of our Ten Year Anniversary this month, I'm writing out lessons I've learned from being married to my man. 

I don't think I'm an expert on anything really (except maybe how to nurse a baby while chasing a two year old and never even breaking the baby's latch), but I do think that Derek and I have something pretty great. While much of our relationship is due to just being extremely compatible, our life is not perfect, we are not perfect, and I've had to learn some pretty hard lessons in my ten years thus far as a wife. 
(Babies! We were BABIES!) 

Today's lesson is one I'm always relearning.

Service.

I preach it right and left to my kids: Serve each other, help each other and don't complain about it.

And then sometimes I forget to serve my spouse.

I don't mean this in any sort of 1950s "Here are your slippers and smoking jacket" way either. (Have you ever met me? Yeah, that's not happening...) I mean it in a mutual, equal way. Derek is excellent at this. He thinks about what I might need/want and makes it happen, or asks how to make it happen.

It's a skill he has.

Me? Well, I'm quite good at wiping bums, and feeding the small people, and sometimes I forget to serve him.

(I'm a slow learner, what can I say?)

So. I have to make efforts to do something Derek seems to do naturally. I make the effort to make his lunch, or scramble him an egg. I have to try to remember to hang up his shirts out of the dryer so they don't wrinkle (this so does not happen).

Little acts of service can make a big difference. I'll never be perfect at this, but it's a lesson I always am learning.

Thomas S. Monson said,

 “Spiritual strength frequently comes through selfless service.” 

What better way to be strengthened spiritually than by serving my spouse? 

I'm trying. I hope I'm always trying. 

Important Little Traditions (Lessons I've Learned From My Marriage)

In honor of our Ten Year Anniversary this month, I'm writing out lessons I've learned from being married to my man. 

I don't think I'm an expert on anything really (except maybe how to nurse a baby while chasing a two year old and never even breaking the baby's latch), but I do think that Derek and I have something pretty great. While much of our relationship is due to just being extremely compatible, our life is not perfect, we are not perfect, and I've had to learn some pretty hard lessons in my ten years thus far as a wife. 


(An oldie but a goody, look at Henry picking his nose! HAHAHA!) 

Robert Browing wrote:

What of soul was left, I wonder, when the kissing had to stop? 

When Derek and I were dating, a married friend told us about the ritual her spouse and she had: After every prayer together, they'd kiss.

Guess what one of our rituals is? It's been going strong for 10 years! First of all, if we're praying each day like we should be, that means we're KISSING each day too. It's a fantastic way to keep the love alive. No, we don't have a make-out session every time someone blesses the food, but we do get a chance each day to reconnect.

Along with that ritual comes our nightly scripture study and prayer. We rarely miss a night (and no we're not talking deep, in-depth study), it's a few verses, discuss what needs discussing and a prayer. Oh and don't forget the KISS. ;)

A third tradition that has grown out of necessity as we've added children to the mix is our weekly date night. Babysitters run $10 an hour these days (and they should, we have FIVE kids to watch) so we rarely get to go OUT on a date. So, instead, we bring the date to us. Once a week we'll try and get the kidlets in bed even a half hour early (I don't care what they are doing up there so long as they are quiet and stay put) and Derek or I will run and get dinner from a restaurant. We'll either pick up or make a dessert too.

The laptops get put away, we sit TOGETHER on the couch, and we eat and talk. We'll watch a favorite show or if we're feeling awake we might try for a whole movie. It's simple, it's nothing special, but it's important to us.

These are just examples that work for US, but I think anything that you do together, and make the effort toward doing,  can become an important ritual for your couplehood.

For me and my marriage, it's vital. It reminds me that we are people beyond our jobs. We are a team, and we are each other's best friends. It's so easy to forget!

Have you any rituals/traditions that help make your marriage tick? Share them! Maybe we can all adopt some new ones. ;)

A Wee Announcement

No. I am not pregnant.

Just thought I'd clear that up firstly.

Actual Announcement: We're MOVING.

BWAHAHAH. Just kidding. I'm never moving ever again.

Ever.

No, this announcement is in direct relation to the day to be CELEBRATED one month from today.

Look at your calendar. What is ONE MONTH FROM TODAY?

You're probably saying to yourself, "Morgan, I have no idea what is one month from today!"

Well, I'll tell ya.

One month from today is Derek and my 10th wedding anniversary.

That's right! A decade ago!

(This picture is SO indicative of our life: Me being ridiculous, and Derek just kind of like, "Okay...?" 

And so, in honor of my husband and our super awesome life together, I'll be doing a little online marriage series. It'll just be some things I've learned over the years. I'm not the expert in the family, but maybe I can convince the good Doctor to drop by here at some point too. *wink wink*.

So, anyway, starting this Friday, I'll be hitting up this space with marriage talk each Friday for the whole month. It'll be five Fridays in all.

I'm excited about it, and I think it's going to be really great. So, stayed tuned.

Final, super fun tidbit: Also, if you have a question about marriage for Derek, you can email me and I promise to forward it on to him. MAYBE he'll answer it right here. morganhagey@gmail dot com

Hurray!!

Update From the Tiny Farm on the Hill

Well. Things are moving right along.

School is continuing to be a challenge as the weather is turning warmer. I knew it would be this way. But we have to keep on it. It's not easy convincing those little boys to sit still long enough to get it done. We'll keep at it.

Our little micro farm is growing. The seeds are starting to poke their way heavenward (minus the few that Ezra accidentally knocked onto the porch. Oops. Maybe they'll grow there anyway.

The trees we planted don't seem dead yet. That is hopeful.

The chickens are fat.

The dog is lazy, except for this evening when we were chasing chickens and he decided he wanted to participate. We can NOT have that. No sir. I'm pretty sure he would have killed a chicken if he'd caught one, not necessarily on purpose, but still. But he was stopped and sent in the house. But it was some drama! Oh my!

We're in serious talks trying to actually add MORE creatures to our little place here on the hill. Maybe we are crazy. Maybe. But dreams are coming true, and that is what we are here for. There is so much delight in the few "farm" chores we have. The boys don't seem to tire of them. So we're counting our blessings, embracing the little corner of the world we've worked so hard for. It's wonderful.


($10 prize if you can guess what is all over my shirt!)

Miriam was plagued with a high fever for three days, and so we headed to urgent care on Mother's day. Now, we are squirting antibiotics down her throat twice a day. Thank you ear infection! She's much improved. Not that she was acting sick in the slightest, minus the 103 degree fever, because she wasn't. She was behaving as bright and sunny as ever. Dork-butt.

So, yes. There is the update.

Good News!

Derek is out of town. (No, that's not really the good news!)

We were on the phone today, and he was telling me about his meetings and this and that, and then asked "How is your day going?" 

And my answer? 

"I know this is gross, and I'm sorry, but Ezra had his FIRST REAL POOP in a week and it was ONLY ONE TODAY!" 

You have no idea how happy I was to share that news. Additionally, how happy my husband was to hear it. 

When your baby is sick, normal poop is VERY exciting. 

Oh, it was a good day. 

And how cool is my husband for being equally THRILLED with me about no more sickness?

He's the best. 

NEW

Nine and half years ago, my sweet husband-to-be bought me a lovely, sparkly ring. I really love it. It's beautiful. I told him before we ever got engaged that I didn't WANT a big diamond. But... well, my dude assumed I was being merely frugal, and bought me one anyway.

And I loved it.

But it's been... um... about 8 years since I've worn that beauty with any frequency other Sundays. I just found it to be  very difficult to keep on my finger. It's NOT that I don't think it's gorgeous. It is.

Frankly, it's just not practical. I wash dishes, wipe butts, work all day long with my hands. A diamond ring just isn't realistic TO ME (I know most women absolutely do not agree with me and go about their daily tasks with their rings firmly on their fingers. I do not knock these women.)

So, for the last many years I've been mostly, daily, ringless. I would throw it on for doctor's appointments and church but that was it. Proudly, it's never grown too small, not even in five pregnancies. But, still, it remains largely ignored.

My fab partner realized that I could use a band. Just a plain ole band.

And look what came today?

 An early (by a month and a day) birthday present.

What a guy.

And here I am 9 months pregnant, and it fits. I say this with great pride. :)

I am married again, right and proper!

Nine Years

On this, our 9th anniversary of our wedding day, I give you:

Derek is cute, a list. 

He:

ohhs and ahhs over baby clothes just to be nice to me.
can't lie. He tries, and fails.
is a great daddy, who loves his boys.
wants to spend all his time with me and the kids.
will get me french fries whenever I want them.
is a bit of a germaphobe. It's cute. Weird, I know.
finds great bliss in discussing strange marital topics with me. (It's his job!)
is perfectly happy to listen to me discuss strange birth/baby/mothering topics.
does the dishes after dinner.
helps me whenever I ask.
brings me ice cream frequently.
takes my boys on dates.
doesn't mind when I spend money on silly things like fabric. doesn't even bat an eye when I say, "I gotta go to the fabric store."
works super hard for our family (hello, FOUR JOBS!) .
finished the DAMN DISSERTATION! GO DEREK!
is no longer a student (see above) *he's been a student the entire decade I've known him!*
is smart.
fixes stuff, a lot of stuff! He's pretty good at it.
accepts "Honey-do" lists without complaint.
doesn't like to be hot.
walks the dog when I'm too tired.
changes poopy bums.
some mornings,w hen he doesn't have to work,  drags himself out of bed before me, just so I can sleep,
carries babies.
listens to me.
plays a mean game of Scabble, Words with Friends, etc.
is good at sports, but doesn't make me watch them on TV 24/7.
talks about sports though, and I pretend to understand.
brings me Diet Coke more often than I need, but as much as I want.
buys books, then says, "I bought a book!"
likes to watch Hulu with me after the kids are in bed.
isn't a remote hog. We argue over who has to hold it!
opens my water bottles for me. (MY HANDS DON'T WORK!)
doesn't get frustrated when he has to dig through piles of clean laundry to find his socks.

He's a keeper, that man of mine.

Happy Anniversary, Love!

FINALLY

I have been writing this post for about three years.

And today I get to write it.

Back when Derek started at K-State, a friend warned me "The dissertation will take years."

She was trying to help me. Her husband had recently finished his PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy, and she was just trying to get me prepared.

And I poo-pooed her. NO! It can not take years. I'll lose my darn head. He must get done with a swiftness.

Instead, we moved half a dozen times.

Derek has had tons of jobs, and work and school all squeezed together.

Then Derek's major professor died, suddenly.

We had two more babies.

And last week, we had FINALLY reached the end.

Derek flew to Kansas and defended his dissertation like a champ. LIKE A CHAMP.

And they passed him. EXCITEMENT.

Except... there was glitch.

There was further work required of him, that no one could have foreseen. It was despair unimaginable.

But my smart husband refused to quit. He worked, he schmoozed.

Today, he was told "Congratulations. You're a doctor."

And what did I do upon hearing the news?

What any good, supportive, pregnant wife would do.

I bawled like a baby.

He's done.

And I cried.

Bits N Bobs

Oliver's third birthday is coming up on Friday. This is weird. He is SO excited. And frankly, so am I. We have a pretty awesome, pretty "Oliver" gift set up. He's going to love it. There will be fights. I'm so excited.

Ezra is weaning. He's so close, yet not there. He's teething, and seems to be getting a cold, so let's pray that he is cool with continuing onward and upward. Oh please. I need a bit of a break before I start all over again. I'm working extremely hard to not make this a traumatic time in his life. It's going pretty well. I'm hoping we're finished soon, and gently.

Henry is learning to ride a two-wheeled bike. I knew he'd take right to it, and he has. He doesn't need or want my help. How dare he be big.

Spencer is still my sweet early riser. I have accepted that will never ever change. We've discovered that PBS kids is NOT the devil. We did great for about 8 months of no tv during the week. But, I'm pregnant and exhausted and Ezra is NOT sleeping through the night. Spencer routinely is awake right before or at 5am (EVEN WITH THE STUPID DAY LIGHT SAVINGS TIME!). So instead, I make a bagel or a muffin breakfast (three actually, one for each) lay them out, and put the TV on channel 7. It's painful for me to admit this, but the fact is, it works. They stay quiet for an hour until Ezra wakes up. They aren't starved and PBS is actually kind of...educational.

Derek is working like a mad-man to finish his dissertation. He's so close, and we're to the last mile of this marathon. We're praying and he's working. It's wonderful and exhausting and he's just so close. He does NOT like it when I tell him he's 9cm dilated. I find this comparison to be exact, he disagrees and wishes I wouldn't equate his paper to childbirth. Sorry dude. You're 9cm dilated and contractions are coming hot and heavy. Hang in there, Baby Cakes and that darling little PhD will be in your arms before you know it.

We're great. Doing our thing. Life is very very blessed.

I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home

Or in this case, doesn't leave for work until after lunch!

I had to be some places this morning, and the kids weren't invited. So I got food in the crock pot and dug clothes out of the clean laundry for everyone and ran away.

Two and a half hours later, upon my return, I found 3 boys in Spiderman costumes and lunch on the table.

SUCH fun they'd had with their daddy. They had gone in their costumes to the grocery store for tortillas for lunch. There had been FREE COOKIES for sampling, and CAR CARTS FOR DRIVING. Basically, they had a ball.

At the grocery store.

Daddies are just the best aren't they?

Derek

From November 2011

My cute husband had a birthday. 33 now. I have know this man of my heart and dreams for ten years now. 

HOLY CRAP. 

And he grows more endearing and darling and wonderful and perfect every year. 

Sorry for the schmalzy post, but I can't celebrate my love's birthday without being over-the-top disgustingly gushy. 

I won the lottery. 

Hard worker, crazy committed, fiercely loyal, he is my man. I'm thankful for him and all that makes him Derek. 

I'm thankful. I love you, Derek. Happy Birthday. 

Weird.

We sold our trusty minivan today. It was very strange.

(The pictures have nothing to do with the post, but oh my gosh how cute is my baby? He didn't like the hat. He worked hard to remove it.)

From October 2011

See, about a year ago, we thought, "We ought to sell this car," and there was nothing else. Then every now and again Derek or I would look at each other and say, "WE MUST SELL THIS CAR!" And nothing ever happened.

From October 2011

Then we moved.

And I thought, "WE MUST SELL THIS CAR!"

From October 2011

And I put it on the internet. We got a call.

They came.

They paid.

They drove away.

And I have no minivan.

Weird, right?

From October 2011

(Oliver said, "Take a picture my hand!" So I did.)

But we were able to eliminate a ridiculous car payment. YAY!

We're buying something older and bigger (cuz well, we're going to outgrow the minivan) and life is good.

It all happened very very fast. I don't think Derek thought I'd actually do it.

But I did.