Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Inadequate

From February 2012

(This picture is entirely unrelated to anything other than a nice "ISN'T MY BABY CUTE??" picture.)

I tend to have a pretty good handle on my "OH MY GOSH, I SUCK," feelings of inadequacy. I tend to be well-aware of my OWN failings, of course. But I try really REALLY hard to not play the mommy-mind-game of "She has her crap so much more together than I do". I try.

Yesterday, I was smacked so hard in the face of my inabilities that I could not SHAKE it.

I obsessed about it all day.

I talked to Derek about it.

I talked to my dear friend about it.

I stressed about it.

I could not wrap my mind around a particular person's abilities that she displayed as mother/wife/woman/person.

And then I walked back into my own home, my own reality.

I found myself severely lacking.

All day today, I found myself drifting back to the "What can I do better" self-talk.

There is, of course, much room for improvement.

But I must NOT allow myself to fall into the trap of "BUT SHE DOES (insert random thing here)". I can't.

Everyone has problems. Everyone has struggles.

I do too.

I am not perfect.

Neither is anyone else.

If I continue to say that to myself A LOT, maybe I'll remember that I truly TRULY believe it.

5 comments:

Nathaly Blalock said...

For what it's worth, I happen to think you are superwoman in all the ways that matter. As my good friend told me during one of my mental breakdowns, "No one ever went to therapy because their mother didn't pick up the toys or fold all the laundry." Who cares if you fall short in areas that don't matter in the long run? And yes, you might get in bed sometimes and think, "Man, I sucked today." But I don't believe there is a mother on earth who doesn't occasionally beat herself up. Who's to say this friend of yours doesn't break down crying once a week? (I do! That's what I tell my friend who thinks I "have it together". ha. HA!) You're doing an amazing thing. Really. :)

heather said...

Yeah. I think we all go on that trip once in awhile. BUT, did you happen to see her laundry room? or under her bed? or her closet? of her bathroom? Did you know she does things like smelling the armpits to find her cleanest dirty shirt? Did you know that she sometimes looses patients (sp?) with her husband and children? That she doesn't make dinner every night? That she forgot her mother's birthday last year?

My point is: We're all the same. She probably takes the same trip you were on after a visit to your house. We ALL have a tendency to compare our whole self with other people's presented self. So don't beat yourself up over it, she's far from perfect too.

Alisha said...

I write to you right after I yelled at both my girls for being prats (no i didn't call them that - but i thought it). Yes, there is room for all of us to improve. But the amazing fact of life is, that as long as our families know we love them and are trying our best (which is determinant on the moment at hand as to what 'best' qualified as), they will always forgive us. Thank goodness. You are amazing and a supermom (I'v always thought so). Good luck.

Alisa said...

Aren't we all inadequate? I mean...seriously...that's the whole point of a Savior, right? You can't go comparing yourself to other people...because you are uniquely you, with your unique (wonderful) family! We love you!

Master P said...

This post could be written by me every day of the week. And then I think maybe the world needs people like me to make everyone else feel better about themselves :)

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