Today, as I was taking 34 seconds to myself to use the bathroom, I thought to myself, "Four. Soon there will be four. How will I accomplish this?"
I mean, with the three boys we've got going on now, every moment of my day is determined by someone else. EVERY MOMENT. There are times when I'm able to slip away to run an errand to the fabric store or the like, but even those moments are designed because of nap time and an available husband. Someone needs something, somewhere, somehow, always. Almost 24 hours a day.
Now, let's be clear. I'm not complaining. Honestly. We have chosen these children, we love these children, and I am not an idiot *most of the time*.
But, still the question remains, HOW shall I, in a satisfactory way, effectively mother FOUR children, who will be ages 5, 3, 1 and New?
And where will my poor husband fit in all this?
I just... I don't know.
I feel, truly, like I give every thing I've got to this job. Between mothering and wifing, by the end of the day, I'm wiped. And that's just toting around a baby on the INSIDE. What about when he is HERE and incredibly demanding of my physical self??? How do I properly care for ANOTHER HUMAN when I feel that the three children and one sweet husband have kind of got the monopoly?
Plus, the idea of being MORE tired than I am now... I just don't know.
I am completely stumped. I understand the whole rising to the occasion thing... but um... some people don't. Some people honest-to-goodness have more children than they should. Have we crossed that threshold?? HAVE WE?
I am worried, that while this child is loved and WILL be loved completely, wholly, always, that between the four of them, I'm going to fail.
That's all. That was my brain-child of the bathroom today.
Thank you.
11 comments:
I was in that same boat about three years ago. It's not easy at first but you eventually adapt to the change. Somehow we always manage to make it through. And the new baby just fills the home with love. That newness straight from heaven just eminates and makees everything and everyone great! Good luck and I know you will do great!
And I envy you getting to potty alone :)
I have no idea, but I did think the same before I even had one. I'll bet you've had the same thoughts too, and you make 3 kids look like 1. Yay for potty time!
Dear Morgan,
Henry is 5. He should soon have chores & responsibilities, and wont that be a tiny little blessing even if you do have to nag him into it & punish him when he doesn't? Henry & Derek love you, and as the men of the house, I'm sure they'll be there to hold you up on days when you're just too darn tired to rise to the occasion. Actually, based on personality, you may want to hand the chores over to Spencer-Man. :P
I can hardly imagine your life. I'm constantly in awe of you and how well you do your jobs-- all of them. That's partly why I read this blog!
I'm deciding RIGHT NOW that sometime between our honeymoon and having moved to the Seattle area, I *will* be coming out there, and I *will* be doing SOMETHING to give you a bit of a break whether I have to pretend I'm half as good at your job for an hour or four... or I have to do 8 gazillion loads of laundry or something. You (and Derek) deserve it. Besides, by then I'll have very little to do, really--it's just transition time for us.
Summer 2011. Look out for it.
Love,
Chels
Morgan, yeah, I can totally understand what you're saying. You amaze me though. You are such a good mom to those boys. I remember being pregnant with Kate and thinking the same thing. How in the world am going to have two kids? I think it's happened EVERY time I get pregnant. I still feel that way with this pregnancy. I'm so tired, and worn out and feel like life is just INSANE, and I just can not imagine having a new born thrown into it all.
It'll change when you meet him. :) I agree with Chelsea. Henry can totally help with cleaning some, and so can your other boys. They will love their baby brother, and one of them is bound to go running for something you need if it's for the baby. You can do it!!
You're SUPER Morgan! Of COURSE you can do it!!
The solution to all your problems is easy....PLAY MORE WITH ME!!! It will help with the stress and the much needed Morgan time. Ha HA I'll see you tomorrow!!!
You will do great! You are an awesome mom!
A couple days ago I came across this quote by Pres. Harold B. Lee, in the institute OT manual: "By faith in God you can be attuned to the Infinite and by power and wisdom obtained from your Heavenly Father harness the powers of the universe to serve you in your hour of need in the solution of problems too great for your human strength or intelligence."
I always remind myself that this incredibly busy and oh-so-exhausting stage is but a short season in a hopefully long life. Right now, my life is about mothering and all that entails, plus working full-time and trying to live up to my Father in Heaven's expectations. There will be a time all-too-soon when I won't have little ones that need to be tucked in, scrubbed, diapered, or fed. Remembering that this is but one season in my life helps me press on. You can totally do this - you're amazing!
P.S. Let people help you. Don't turn down requests for service...let your friends and family reap some blessings for lending a hand. AND be vocal about needing help! It takes a village, right?
Take care - your frequent reader but never comments cyber friend, Lanette
Oh baby,
You are one of the best moms and wives that I know. You know that you will find the time to do what you have to do because right now this is your calling (Esther 4:14).
You will be great and your sons will grow up strong and valiant. I know this because I know your hear.
MA
I am in the same boat, worrying that I can't do it all. But rest assured, you are one of those Mom's that rise to the occasion every.single.time. I have no doubts that you will be an amazing Mom to 4!
Ummm... I dunno. I'll be looking forward to hearing all about how you end up doing it! I feel the EXACT same way right now and I have one less than you. (Of course it doesn't help that I'm directing a play.)
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