Today, as I was taking 34 seconds to myself to use the bathroom, I thought to myself, "Four. Soon there will be four. How will I accomplish this?"
I mean, with the three boys we've got going on now, every moment of my day is determined by someone else. EVERY MOMENT. There are times when I'm able to slip away to run an errand to the fabric store or the like, but even those moments are designed because of nap time and an available husband. Someone needs something, somewhere, somehow, always. Almost 24 hours a day.
Now, let's be clear. I'm not complaining. Honestly. We have chosen these children, we love these children, and I am not an idiot *most of the time*.
But, still the question remains, HOW shall I, in a satisfactory way, effectively mother FOUR children, who will be ages 5, 3, 1 and New?
And where will my poor husband fit in all this?
I just... I don't know.
I feel, truly, like I give every thing I've got to this job. Between mothering and wifing, by the end of the day, I'm wiped. And that's just toting around a baby on the INSIDE. What about when he is HERE and incredibly demanding of my physical self??? How do I properly care for ANOTHER HUMAN when I feel that the three children and one sweet husband have kind of got the monopoly?
Plus, the idea of being MORE tired than I am now... I just don't know.
I am completely stumped. I understand the whole rising to the occasion thing... but um... some people don't. Some people honest-to-goodness have more children than they should. Have we crossed that threshold?? HAVE WE?
I am worried, that while this child is loved and WILL be loved completely, wholly, always, that between the four of them, I'm going to fail.
That's all. That was my brain-child of the bathroom today.