Oliver's birthday is in a month.
Woah.
This has quite possibly been the fastest most whirl-windy year of my life. And I have heard tell that they only continue to flow by like dollops.
Woah.
Normally, by the time my baby is celebrating his birthday, we're celebrating a pregnancy. The two other first birthdays have been marked by serious nausea on my part.
A lot of people keep waiting for the announcement. If I were to say it, not one person we know would be the slightest bit surprised.
A dear friend whom I really really love even asked, "Isn't it about time? I mean Oliver's almost one!"
And in theory, or based on previous proof, it indeed would be about time.
Except.
Except that is just isn't.
I am extremely blessed. I have never faced infertility of any kind. I wish to be pregnant, and I am pregnant. It's easy. So, when that pain of "Oh, we need another baby!" starts to set in, we do what we do, and 9 months later, we're parents again. It's very very easy, so easy that I have been pregnant and/or nursing nonstop for five years.
Five years.
I can't explain it, but right now that pain is just not here. (And any woman who has ever wanted a baby can tell you it is REAL pain, divinely created to ensure the continuance of the human race. Without it no one would ever voluntarily become a mother, at least not repeatedly, of that I'm certain.) In the past, I would patiently wait out the hurt until my body would allow for a new baby. (Breastfeeding is excellent birth control around these parts.)
And now we have come full circle.
Is it because I had three so quickly? Is it because 2010 appears to be promising a lot of unknowns? Is it just that I am very tired? Who knows. All I know is that while I feel certain more sweet soft newborns are in our future, the "when" is yet to be determined.
It's strange, NOT longing for a baby. It is disconcerting to say the least. I have not really felt the absence of it since shortly after we got married. Pregnancy really was all that quieted it. Even with brand new newborns, I'd be gearing up.
And I am plagued with self-doubt. "My kids are all 20-21 months apart! I can't mess with that!" (Really, can't I? I'm not OCD enough to really care.) "I want to just get it over with!" (This is the truth, I'm not planning on bearing children in my 40's.) "I SHOULD want another baby." (Sigh.)
But today I do not. It's just not here. So for the time being, I'm enjoying the quiet, the contentedness. And when that sweet, ruthless ethereal pain invades once more, then it will be time.
And when it is time, you'll be the first to know. (Okay, that was a lie.)
Just don't be surprised if it isn't in the next month.
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10 comments:
Amen. So that means you're saying at some point my desire will be stronger for more? I would be pregnant or give birth again in a heartbeat, it's just what comes after that that has me a little nervous. :)
Haha, Emily. I can not guarantee anything. :) But the likelihood is that you will indeed decide to have another go-round eventually.
So with you. Except for 5 years straight - whew! I prayed after WG for guidance to know when I was supposed to have another and left it out of my hands. And I got a strong answer when it was time, so I felt absolute peace. Right now, I feel the exact same thing - why mess with success? I have peace, dang it! Le sigh - good luck knowing when and what, we'll be here to congratulate then too :)
ummm i think you need 12 more!!!!
Well said!
You do realize that now that you've said those words you'll probably feel it right?
Don't worry! Since I got pregnant Dave and I have said "We're done!" This will be our last baby, I go in for a tubal the morning after she's born. We just got the feeling that our family is complete. For now, you feel your family is to a resting point. Don't fret over the larger age separation, Isabelle will be almost 5 when this baby is born and Devin turns 7 on Thursday. BIG age difference, but I'm fine with that and it will work out. When you're ready, you'll know.
Hahah Jauna- thanks for that. :)
Wow Amber- Good for you for being so sure! :)
Could it be that Maren is not ready yet and since your wombs are psychically (sp?) linked that you won't get the 'itch' til her boy is a bit older?
Or, could it be that you know there'd be no way you could deliver in my basement in a tub, hanging..... well, you get the drift?
MA
If Morgan has to wait for me to be ready, she's going to be waiting a looooong time. Otherwise, I think the time has come to break the psychic womb connection....
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