|From August 2009|
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful queen named Schmorgan. Schmorgan was queen of everything, and therefore, very busy.
Yet, her very favorite job was being queen of the castle, including poopy diapers.
So, one day, Schmorgan and the King, Schmerek had their third strapping boy, Schmoliver. Schmoliver was happy and cute. The other princes, Schmenry and Schmencer really loved him too.
The only thing that interrupted their perfect happiness was one small detail: Schmoliver became increasingly miserable over time. He would cry and fuss and not sleep. Poor Schmorgan was at her wit's end. She didn't know what in the world was wrong with her little prince.
Schmerek and she had sort of resigned themselves to a VERY difficult first year. It wasn't pretty, not pretty at all.
Then, one day, Schmorgan schlepped all her kids to the royal physician for their well-checks. Schmencer was checked off with out any concern (minus adding another allergy med to his regimen.) But, Schmoliver... well, he didn't do as well.
Turns out, Schmoliver only gained one pound in 2.5 months. NOT GOOD! Schmoliver was too skinny. The royal physician was very nice about it, but still voiced his concern. Schmorgan, being a good queen, agreed with him and asked what could be wrong, and what could be done to rectify the problem.
After much probing, it became apparent.
Schmoliver had reflux.
Schmoliver fit every single criteria right down to "frequent hiccups."
Now, the royal physician couldn't say FOR CERTAIN without doing a barium swallow, which Queen Schmorgan respectfully declined. She simple returned to her castle and did more research.
There it was on ye olde internet. Her friends confirmed the fear. Schmoliver indeed had reflux.
Schmorgan immediately eliminated dairy, much to her horror, ice cream being the Queen's FAVORITE indulgence. Schmorgan threw out her entire freezer-stash of breastmilk. Schmorgan sent Schmerek to the marketplace for soy-based formula since she no longer had any frozen breastmilk and she had prenatals scheduled (Remember how it was mentioned that Queen Schmorgan was busy?) and she didn't want her baby to starve.
Schmorgan felt very very very guilty. Because, months before this, Schmorgan had said to Schmerek, "I think Schmoliver has reflux." And then, the thought sort of flitted out of her distracted, sleep-deprived brain.
And it took over two months more to figure it out.
Queen Schmorgan is an idiot.
Schmoliver is already showing improvements. He didn't have a single screaming fit in the night last night.
Schmorgan feels awful.
Schmorgan WISHES this story were pure fiction.
Schmorgan misses ice cream, but considers going without it penence for not realizing what was wrong with her prince.
Schmorgan is an idiot.