Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A Tale

For those who appreciate pure fiction and hypotheticals

From August 2009

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful queen named Schmorgan. Schmorgan was queen of everything, and therefore, very busy.

Yet, her very favorite job was being queen of the castle, including poopy diapers.

So, one day, Schmorgan and the King, Schmerek had their third strapping boy, Schmoliver. Schmoliver was happy and cute. The other princes, Schmenry and Schmencer really loved him too.

The only thing that interrupted their perfect happiness was one small detail: Schmoliver became increasingly miserable over time. He would cry and fuss and not sleep. Poor Schmorgan was at her wit's end. She didn't know what in the world was wrong with her little prince.

Schmerek and she had sort of resigned themselves to a VERY difficult first year. It wasn't pretty, not pretty at all.

Then, one day, Schmorgan schlepped all her kids to the royal physician for their well-checks. Schmencer was checked off with out any concern (minus adding another allergy med to his regimen.) But, Schmoliver... well, he didn't do as well.

Turns out, Schmoliver only gained one pound in 2.5 months. NOT GOOD! Schmoliver was too skinny. The royal physician was very nice about it, but still voiced his concern. Schmorgan, being a good queen, agreed with him and asked what could be wrong, and what could be done to rectify the problem.

After much probing, it became apparent.

Schmoliver had reflux.

Schmoliver fit every single criteria right down to "frequent hiccups."

Now, the royal physician couldn't say FOR CERTAIN without doing a barium swallow, which Queen Schmorgan respectfully declined. She simple returned to her castle and did more research.

There it was on ye olde internet. Her friends confirmed the fear. Schmoliver indeed had reflux.

Schmorgan immediately eliminated dairy, much to her horror, ice cream being the Queen's FAVORITE indulgence. Schmorgan threw out her entire freezer-stash of breastmilk. Schmorgan sent Schmerek to the marketplace for soy-based formula since she no longer had any frozen breastmilk and she had prenatals scheduled (Remember how it was mentioned that Queen Schmorgan was busy?) and she didn't want her baby to starve.

Schmorgan felt very very very guilty. Because, months before this, Schmorgan had said to Schmerek, "I think Schmoliver has reflux." And then, the thought sort of flitted out of her distracted, sleep-deprived brain.

And it took over two months more to figure it out.

Queen Schmorgan is an idiot.

Schmoliver is already showing improvements. He didn't have a single screaming fit in the night last night.

Schmorgan feels awful.

Schmorgan WISHES this story were pure fiction.

Schmorgan misses ice cream, but considers going without it penence for not realizing what was wrong with her prince.

Schmorgan is an idiot.

The End.


The Wolford Family said...

Schmorgan you are NOT an idiot your sister Queen Scharah had the same problem with Prince Schach. At least you've caught it and it's COMPLETELY treatable. The only lasting thing my little Prince has is he gets REALLY bad canker sores. But that could be something else. I LOVE YOU!!!

Kathleen said...

So sorry to hear your story. Glad to know little Oliver is feeling better. I had to be strict with my diet while nursing Luke. Good Luck to you and your little one.

Alice said...

ah. You are not an idiot. It was totally the lack of sleep brought on by this problem that made the Queen not fix the problem quicker. I am glad Oliver will now be happier and hopefully the King and Queen will get more sleep. Well, at least the Queen because we all the the King sleeps through everything! :) Love ya Derek! Getting more and more excited for the weekend!

Lenaya and Xiana said... crack me up! I'm glad he's feeling better and that life is returning to normal. Don't worry, you are a great mom! Besides, I feel like the day you become a mother, you pretty much just get used to the fact that you are going to feel guilty for the rest of your life... comes with the territory!

Amber C said...

Oh Queen Schmorgan, if only all our infant problems could be handled with diet change. Babies are complicated and even though we are queens of our castles....we can't know/understand/do everything. You're not an idiot and shouldn't feel guilty. Just feel relief for having your cutesie baby becoming healthier!

Yasmine said...

McKay had it too and after suffering through "colic", (as they called it until we figured it out,) I felt horrible too. It's just one of those things.

Alisa and Jared said...

I'm glad Schmoran is just hypothetical. Besides, Schmoliver is much better off without that dairy. :-)

Brian and Kelsey said...

Not to be the non-mom looking for the cop out selfish solution but.... wouldn't it just be easier to give Oliver strictly soy formula rather than having to become hyper vigalent about non-dairy... Just a thought. However if you choose to continue this non dairy path Kirkland brand of Soy Milk tastes like a vanilla shake and it pretty tasty. That way you would have something giving you calcium and what not. Just a thought!


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