Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Brace yourselves

Derek and I are considering getting a dog.

Meh. That's a lie.

We ARE getting a dog.

I know. It is a TERRIBLE idea. A HORRIBLE idea.

But we're gonna do it anyway.


Here's the story:

My sister has a basset hound. She's menopausal (the dog, not my sister...). My sister also has a 9 month old Labrador retriever.

Well, her menopausal basset hound and her pubescent lab hooked up and my sister has found herself grandmother to eight very cute Bassador puppies. (Which is a fancy term for "mutt.")

When Sarah called to tell me the joyous news, she asked off hand "Do you want one?"

To which I replied," Probably, let me ask Derek."

WHAT????? Why? Why would I say such a STUPID, RIDICULOUS, STUPID thing?

I don't know why either.

So, I called Derek and told him the whole story. My sweet, fantastic husband was supposed to say, "Morgan, NO! A thousand times NO!"

But he said, "Tell her to pick out the cutest one for us."

WHAT????? Why? Why would he say such a RIDICULOUS thing???????

So, I called Sarah back and told her just that.


Now, let's be clear. I.do.not.want.a.puppy. Puppies chew and whiz on everything. They have sharp little baby claws and even sharper little baby teeth. They get hair on everything.

I don't want a puppy.

But I do want a dog. A lot. Dogs are awesome.

But puppies. Ick, puppies.

I asked Sarah to PLEASE keep one of the cute little fur balls for about a year and half and train it up real nice for me, and drop it off in 18 months.

She said no.

So, I'm stuck. Luckily, puppies grow up.

And I have the Dog Whisperer's book on hold at the library. I am NOT going into this blindly.

I already know I'm an idiot, but I am not going to be a clueless idiot. I will have a well-behaved, potty/crate trained dog as soon as humanly possible, (doggily possible).

Oh, I'm so so so sad. Why are we doing this? It's just the worst idea we've ever had. We're going to anyway.

And Derek says I absolutely can not name a midget black labrador Webster.

That is really the worst part of all of it.

Oh my holy heck.


Lenaya and Xiana said...

You guys are crazy!! Good luck to ya!

Amber C said...

This coming from a guy who spent his adolescence terrified of some dogs--with good reason too though.

I want a dog, but given my state of being we're not getting anything right now.

If it is a male, call him Mr. T.
If it is a female you can call her Queenie. LOL

Alice said...

Really Morgan? Really? When you travel not only will you have to take care of three little kids who sometimes do not travel well, but you will have to deal with the dog. Anytime you want to leave, you have to deal with the dog. Really? Really? You want to be those people who have to bring their dog everywhere? I guess it is your life and I can't tell you how to live it...but really?

Chelsea said...


Erin said...

What's wrong with Webster? And I had Alice's exact reaction. REALLY? And why on earth wasn't the menopausal basset hound ever spayed?

Lindsey said...

I am so jealous! I want a dog, but Eric is not up for that yet. Maybe someday. I can't wait to see pictures!

Alisha said...

I love dogs. i truly do. And both labs and basset hounds are two of my most favorites. But really, they are the worst puppies out there. You don't get much more a destructive puppy - especially since labs have a whole extra year of puppyhood beyond the normal time frame.

But good luck and i'm jealous (in a good way) and I will have to come to you to play with yours.

P.S. I think Webster is a fantastic name. I hope you find a great vet who kennels small dogs for when you travel :)

Alisa and Jared said...

Umm...good luck with THAT one ;-)

Rocketgirl said...

Luckily for me, I got a husband who dislikes caring for animals as much as I do. heck, I'm shocked either one of us was okay with having kids! Good luck... I'd call him Webster anyway. . ;)

Angie said...

my condolences. My children regale me daily with requests for dogs (scooby, clifford, etc and a boston terrier their grandparents had to adopt out after he bit my SIL are the limits of their experience). I cannot imagine many more terrifying things than to tell me an actual puppy was coming to live in my house. The chaos of 7 humans is already more than I can take. Good luck. Oh, and if not Webster, how about Coleman? As in Gary.

McEuens said...

You're not an idiot. Just certifiably insane.

I love dogs (though I think probably not as much as you), but there is no way in this world I could handle one on top of what we've already got going. You are a better woman than I am!

And all I can say is that our psychic womb connection had better not extend to surrogate members of the family like dogs. :)

McEuens said...

PS Tell Sarah to post pictures. I am curious to see what a labrador basset hound mix looks like.

Jen said...

You're crazy!! Every once in a while I think a dog would be fun...but then I think about the training of it, the expense, time caring for it--and I remember I'm busy enough raising 2 humans and don't need an animal!

Good luck with your puppy! Can't wait to see pics!

Lynn said...

Crazy, crazy, crazy! Good luck! The kids will probably love it. :)

Anna said...

some of the comments make me laugh. Your kids will love having a dog. You could email Krystal too if you wanted, when she bred her dog she ended up keeping a puppy longer since the new owners were family friends and needed her too. But she had that dog nearly house broke and totally crate trained by the time he left. Good luck and I too wonder what this mix of dogs look like.

Amy said...

I'm a fellow puppy hater/dog lover. That why I adopted a greyhound--no puppy crap to handle. Nobody understands, that's why I'm happy to have you in my life.
I don't think you're crazy, dogs are the best! I love them!

Anonymous said...

...please where can I buy a unicorn?


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