Tuesday, November 17, 2009

On Motherhood

Being a mother ROCKS. Seriously, if you haven't done it, I suggest you try it out. (Assuming you're 1.Female 2. Married. If you're male or not married, well, you can do whatever you want... but I don't suggest it.)

Why is being a mother just so unbelieveably awesome? Well, I'll tell you. 1. Your children are a reflection of your incredible parenting 2. Blackmail.

I shall not be addressing #1. Check back another day for that one.

No, today I shall be discussing #2.


(Oh my gosh, people, that was just SO witty and punny and you're about to find out why.)

So, Henry still needs a little bit of assistance when it comes to erm, "clean up" after "using the bathroom."

Basically, once a day, (maybe more...) he trots off to the pot like it's his job, usually declaring as loud as humanly possible, "OH! I HAVE TO POOOOP!" and off he goes.

(OH how this child is going to HATE me in a few years.)

Then *several* minutes later, he calls out with great jubiliation, "MOM! I POOOOOOOPED!" which is my cue to head directly to the head and help him with his clean up.

Today was no different than any other day. Except today, Henry had QUITE the story to tell.

"Mom! I made a dinosaur and a dragon!"

Now, I'm paying very little attention to this as I'm wiping his tushie and frankly it's not my favorite job.

He says again, "I made TWO dinosaurs and a dragon Mom!"

I stop. I stare.

I say, "Excuse me. Are you talking about poop?"

Bright smile from the four-year-old. "YES! I made two poop dinosaurs and a dragon."

Ok, at this point, I am nearly choking with attempts to not laugh. Tears are stinging my eyes as I say, (as calmly as possible) "Oh really? You are SO creative!"

Pride. Oh the pride. "Yeah, I am! Cheeseburgers make me poop!"

Now, just for the record, he has not had a cheeseburger today. At all. Just cocoa-dino-bites and goldfish. (Holy smokes, I'm a good mom.)

Then I helped him scrub his hands and made him flush his artwork.

And that is why being a mother is so precious. Black.mail.

The End.


Amber C said...

Oh Henry I'm dying! Such creativity, even in bowel movements. I can't wait for him to start making up jokes!

I've started making Isabelle wipe herself. If I want her in Pre-K next year, she has to be able to clean up that stuff solo so, I'm prepping now. A few times I've done it and it's made me extremely nauseous so I'm glad I don't always have to clean up after "dinosaurs and dragons".

BloggingBills said...

I do hope you are keeping a book of the sayings. Because you know I have used you kids' books on more than one occasion as blackmail and/or embarrasment.

Alisa and Jared said...

Heheee...it's a good thing you're documenting all of this!

Adrian said...

Emily's husband here...I love me a good poop story. When he gets older and needs to be more discrete he can use code words to have you assist in the cleaning. Nobody would be the wiser. It's never to soon to teach acronyms.

Morgan and Derek said...

Adrian- You're right... we'll have to think about that one some more.

annie valentine said...

My four year old accidentally got some on his hands yesterday and tried to wipe it off on the wall and the roll of toilet paper. I could smell the chaos from the kitchen.


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