So, the other day, I sent my friend Chelsea, a message. It said, "I need to call you, I'll call during naptime."
Chelsea replied back, "I don't know when naptime is, but I'm sure it'll be fine."
Then it hit me.
My "time" is different from other people's. When one is surrounded by small gnome-like humans who scream, drool and often poop their pants, it's kind of like living in a vortex, wherein time becomes distorted. One hour seems like days. Other times, a day seems like 5 minutes. It's completely bizarre.
Here is the clock breakdown (1-12 just like a real clock, even):
1. Morning-time: The moment just after sunrise, when a small three year old boy bounds into our room and declares, "The sun is out! It's morning time!"
2. Breakfast-time: Shortly after Morning-time, when my two year old declares, "I hungee, Mommy." Because it is BARELY Morning-time, I usually offer toast or cereal.
3. Zantac-time: This happens roughly 3x a day, and I assure you Oliver does not let us forget it.
4. Clothes-time: The part of my vortex-like-day that involves forcing little wiggly bodies who seem to be all elbows and knees into fresh clothing. Diapers for the pants-poopers included. It is a moment that feels like days.
5. Play-time: Specifically, this is usually when the boys spend a great deal of energy screaming at each other, over toys, or because one is annoying the other.
6. Store-time: Happens more than it should. I find I need this or that or another thing, and we load up and go. I try to control the number of "store-times" there are, but frankly, sometimes, just getting out of the four walls of my vortex is a good thing. Assuming they behave.
7. Lunch-time: Similiar to Breakfast-time, but usually with better offerings. PB&J at the least, warmed up left overs at the most. Often times my own personal Lunch-time occurs AFTER everyone else's.
8. Nap-time: Immediately follows Lunch-time. Spencer does not pass go or collect 200 dollars. I love nap-time.
9. Movie-time: I wish this time didn't exist. I wish I lived in an alternate universe where Henry still did Nap-time. But he doesn't, so it does.
A repeat of Play-time occurs after Nap/Movie-time. I try to prepare for Dinner-time during this, but usually, I get screamed at for daring to go into the kitchen.
10. Dinner-time: Daddy has returned, and we try to eat a nice meal together. It's usually punctuated by us saying, "HENRY SIT DOWN! WE EAT TOGETHER AS A FAMILY!"
11. Bath-time: This is one of the only parts of our day that is dictated by a real clock. NO LATER than 7pm, we declare it "Bath-time" and the nudey parade begins.
12. Bed-time: After baths, there is jammies, books, teeth brushed, scriptures, prayers, and LIGHTS OUT.
And then, tomorrow, we do it all over again.
Like I said, a vortex occurs in Mommy-land, that causes me to forget that in the outside world, REAL time happens.
So, now, if I ever say I'll call you during naptime, you'll know EXACTLY what I mean. And I expect you to answer.