Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Why laundry takes all afternoon

In which Morgan becomes an advocate for "single-use, disposable" clothing.

First off, I have vacation blogging to do, but tomorrow is my birthday and it all kind of ties together, so I'll combine it all tomorrow. Also, stay tuned for my SUPER EXCITING BIRTHDAY NEWS.

And no, I am not pregnant. Shame on you for even thinking it. Geez.

So, anyway, onto the topic of the day, "Why laundry takes all afternoon."

For those of you new to my blog, laundry is my nemesis. Mmkay?

We were away for a full week, and Derek was home all by his lonesome. So, he did laundry on and off all week, but of course, being busy and working hard, he didn't get it put away.

So, I came home and we immediately washed every single item of clothing that we owned. And, yesterday, we had our dear friends visiting all day and I didn't get it put away, again.

So, by this morning, my floor was unrecognizable due to the clean clothes strewn about. There was just no place to walk.

I had a prenatal this morning and therefore was away. Lunchtime was, well, lunchtime.

And finally, naptime! Surely, during naptime one could get clothes put away.

Except, Oliver sleeps in my room. So, scratch that. Oliver took a 3 hour nap.

So, no go.

He awakens, starving. MUST FEED BABY! By now it is 3:30. The boys have been weepy all day, and I think it's due to having an exhausting and busy day yesterday. So, I spend some time playing games with them. Laundry is calling from upstairs.

Finally, by 4pm I manage to haul my tushie up to my room, three boys in tow. Here we go!

Oliver is plunked unceremoniously down on the bed with a toy and his binky. Henry was given blocks and Spencer his Woody and Buzz.

Quickly! I begin throwing clothes in designated baskets and piles. Henry clothes, Spencer clothes, Oliver clothes, towels, baby blankets, socks, Hang up clothes, Derek casual, Morgan casual! GO GO GO!

Spencer is now weeping again, because Buzz keeps bending in the middle, which is what he's designed to do, but dang it, it's offensive. I repeatedly fix Buzz, all the while, Spencer is sobbing, "TOOWWEEEEEANDBON!" which, to those of you who are confused, is "To infinity and beyond."

Oliver, at this point, has begun to fuss gently. He's been awake an hour and therefore is tired again. And since he's a snacker, probably hungry again.

I am throwing clothes around with reckless abandon at this point. I know I am running out of time.

Henry's shorts, no, wait, Spencer's. Derek's sock. Purple shirt, purple shirt, purple shirt. Do I really own three purple shirts in various styles? Yup, sure do. Sheesh.

Henry now begins crying. He can not get his blocks to look like a rockets ship. He screams, "I can't do it by myself! I need your help!"

Spencer jumps off the bed to show him the offending Buzz Lightyear and Oliver spits out his pacifier once more to protest being ignored. I attempt to soothe all three as I wildly chuck underpants hither, thither and yon. There is no comforting them. Spencer is now throwing blocks at Henry, both still crying. Spencer, insterspersing his "TOOWEEEBON" through his tears.

Oliver is now trying to shove his feet in his mouth, while he cries and yells at me. I chuck a handful of burp cloths toward a basket and miss. I hit Oliver in the face. He cries harder.

I am literally sweating at this point. The pile seems to be growing rather than shrinking, or at least remaining exactly the same.

I know if I stop now, I absolutely will NEVER get it done. NEVER.

I fold towels messily and shove them in the linen closet.

Three kiddos, still crying about various ills.

I begin to trot/jog around my room, trying desperately to clear the laundry I have just sorted and folded.

Suddenly, I realize, I can't hear Henry OR Spencer anymore.

Oh crap.

FINALLY, I get the socks matched and shoved into Derek's drawer (it's summer, he's the only one who wears socks these days), scoop up Oliver, who is immediately pleased as punch, and rush downstairs, calling crazily, "Spencer! HENRY!"

Henry is naked in the bathroom and Spencer is trying to get the cap off a pen by banging it on the computer keyboard.

And that is why I am now writing President Obama and Senator Harry Reid, asking them to include in the next stimulus bill, disposable, single-use clothing.

The End.


Chelsea said...

John and I laughed out loud at your story-telling abilities.

It's exhausting just to read this. I hate laundry.


Erin said...

So. I did our laundry this weekend. I don't have 3 kids and it still took me until last night to put it all away...

Morgan and Derek said...

Erin- I thought Isaac did the laundry in your marriage...

Chels- I hate it too.

Mandy and Chris said...

Morgan - this made me laugh sooo hard!! I LOVE reading your blog, it's always so creative and fun! Thanks for sharing!

BloggingBills said...

They have single use, disposable clothing. It's called disposable diapers and skin. That would work for at least 2 of your kids. For Henry, well, spider man panties and skin.

Then you only get them dressed when you leave the house.

It's easier to hose off skin than clothes.

It's easier to not dress them than to dress them.

It's way easier, at least until they can do their own laundry, which for you begins in about 9 years, if you stick to my schedule which is at 12 you're on your own, laundry wise, so to speak.

But, they still don't do their laundry.

And if you are like Caleb, you treat underwear and socks as DISPOSABLE and let them molder in a corner of your room until you throw them away and go buy more socks (which is why he has a job-- oh yeah, that and buying fast food.)

Sorry babe, but you inherited the 'hate to put away clean laundry gene' from me. Once it's clean, I really don't care where it is.



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