Monday, August 27, 2012
A Life of my Choosing
(She is nocturnal. It's unfortunate!)
When Derek and I were first married (and before), and even after Henry and Spencer came along, it was a lot of "go go go!" We'd dash out in a snow storm for tacos. Just because we wanted tacos. We'd go to late movies and drive home to our townhouse after the traffic lights turned to blinky lights (small towns do that, did you know, turn the traffic lights off?)
And now? Now we have five children and my husband has four jobs. We budget to the penny, and if we want tacos, we make them at home.
My friend Stacy wrote recently about times and seasons and how the right now is how it is out of necessity.
I do sometimes long for the ease and quickness that a child-less life offered us (or a life with simply LESS children) when I could take 6 doula clients in a month. Or we could say, "Let's go on a road trip!" with 24 hours notice. I remember life when it was like that.
But I absolutely would not undo a single thing about it all. Five children, all of them very small, is a lot. It's overwhelming at moments (or hours) when they are all having an issue or something and needing attention, but it's not anything I wouldn't choose again.
Every day, I'd choose this over my life before our babies came along.
Life was infinitely easier before they were born. There were challenges, sure, but life was unquestionably easier.
So, they why is: I was born to do this. I can not explain it in words that make any sense to anyone. But I was born to be this person. THIS person. Messy, sticky, needing a shower, mother to these people.
And when they are grown and gone (which will happen in a matter of moments!), I'll have a whole new life to explore. A time and a season. Different.
So, no I don't go to late movies anymore (HA! I don't go to movies, period!) There are strings of days where the farthest I venture is walking the dog a block at 10pm. But this is my life.
And I wouldn't change it.